Thoughts from a Mindfulness Enthusiast

What is Mindfulness?

There are many definitions for mindfulness, but the one I like best is by Jon Kabat Zinn, professor and creator of the Mindfulness Center of Medicine at UMass Med School. He defines Mindfulness as paying attention, on purpose, without judgement…as if your life depended on it. Mindfulness is about enhancing your ability to observe your mind and its musings (e.g. thoughts). When we learn how to notice and observe thoughts, without becoming attached or reactive to them, we often feel a sense of liberation. It’s really an ancient concept derived from Buddhism that suggests it is the mind’s chatter that creates the suffering in our lives. Our assumptions, interpretations, and mistaken beliefs about the world, others, and ourselves are often what generates the uncomfortable emotion we are often trying to get rid of. When we practice mindfulness, we can learn to decrease the amount of this “chatter” by simply identifying it as such. Don’t get me wrong - this isn’t about avoiding pain; pain is unavoidable in life. It’s about having the ability to reduce the unnecessary suffering (e.g. anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, burnout…etc.). More broadly, Mindfulness is about seeking ethical and wise minded paths - goals that include but supersede stress reduction and enhanced concentration.

Why is Mindfulness important?

Mindfulness is important for many reasons. Essentially, it’s about living in the present moment, without being distracted by our mind’s insistence that we focus on our preoccupations with the past or worries about the future. When we learn how to ground down into the very moment in which we are living, we begin to experience ourselves, relationships, and our environment through a different, more accurate lens; hence, as if our life depends on it. When we go beyond the intellectual understanding that the only moment that we are ever actually living in is now, and actually practice experiencing it, subtle shifts occur. The culmination of the practice is the experience of more presence, connection, and peace. Research has found mindfulness based therapies to be effective in treating a wide range of issues such as trauma healing, substance abuse, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, and chronic pain.

Tips to being Mindful:

The mind loves novelty and excitement. When we really pay attention to what our mind gravitates towards, we discover it is often consumed with ideas that are stimulating. Unfortunately, this includes stressful stimulation. Our minds can get carried away in thought and while this occurs, we, sometimes unknowingly, generate emotions in response to these thoughts. This is often referred to as “autopilot” and often how anxiety and depression manifest. Mindfulness is about overcorrecting this penchant and building, initially a tolerance for the simplicity of the moment, that may eventually turn into joy. Practicing mindfulness is about practicing paying attention to one thing at a time, while noting thoughts, judgments, or peanut gallery commentary as distraction from that very moment. The best way to begin a mindfulness practice is to understand that this is not a technique or something you use from time to time. It’s a way of being that requires intention and some level of commitment to maintain. The good news is that every moment is an opportunity to practice. The more challenging news is that the word “practice” is the key…ideally everyday, multiple times a day. To implement a mindfulness practice, consider the 5 senses as our anchor points for accessing the moment. When we remember these anchor points, we know we can practice anytime, anywhere. Here are some ideas:

· Washing dishes – Something us moms do too many times a day to count and often dread. Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh said “Washing dishes is like bathing a baby Buddha.” He said, “If I am incapable of washing dishes joyfully, if I want to finish them quickly so I can go and have dessert and a cup of tea, I will be equally incapable of doing these things joyfully. With the cup in my hands, I will be thinking about what to do next, and the fragrance and the flavor of the tea, together with the pleasure of drinking it, will be lost. I will always be dragged into the future, never able to live in the present moment.” To help the mind from veering away from the moment, we can focus on the sensation of the water, the feeling of the plate, and observing what it looks like. Do that for the duration of dish washing.

· Teeth brushing – Another daily ritual that passes us by as if it never happens, as it often is gobbled up by dread, excitement, or anticipation of what’s next to come. Focus on the sensation of teeth brushing. Every time a thought enters your mind, distracting you from the sensation of brushing your teeth, you note that as a distraction and return to teeth brushing. Do that for 2 minutes.

· Breathing - A more popular example is breathing exercises where one counts breath or focuses on the sensation of breath. Simply breathing is sufficient; however, there are many exercises to change it up. I love this 4-7-8 breath by Andrew Weil, MD: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRPh_GaiL8s

· Movement – Movement, or exercise, can be a wonderful sensory experience. However, again, it is one that is often compromised in favor of our urge to use it as an opportunity to “zone out” or think about the mind’s menu of priorities for our day. Whatever movement you are engaging in: yoga, running, biking, hiking, walking, etc…all experiences have offerings for us to connect with the senses (or one) and be in that moment.

· Reminders – Note: In mindfulness the point is not so much what we are attending to, but rather the attending. It’s the cultivation of attention by our own direction…not the mind’s. One of the most challenging elements of implementing a practice is remembering. Leave sticky notes in your environment, set random alarms on your phone. When you’re reminded, practice. When we become well practiced at this, we can begin to nudge out that which is extra, unnecessary, and often harmful to the quality of our present moment.

How can we be mindful with our families…especially our children:

The answer to this is simple…but hard. Make it a priority to practice mindfulness when you’re not with your children and family. I stole this analogy from a beloved colleague, Melyssa Roderick, LCSW: “Mindfulness practice is like free throw shooting. If you only practice during a game, you probably won’t have much success with your free throws when it matters.” Mindfulness is about emotion regulation. We will be able to practice mindful presence during emotional, activating or stressful situations (e.g. managing kids) if we have spent a good amount of time practicing during totally neutral, de-activating, and mundane situations (e.g. Teeth brushing).

What are common myths about mindfulness:

I would say the most common myth about mindfulness is that it is a relaxation technique or that we should be like a calm Buddha at all times if we are “really good” at mindfulness. Loud negative buzzer please! While mindfulness may result in the experience of feeling more relaxed or calm or even enlightened…that is not “the goal.” Another element that defines mindfulness is non-attachment. When we are truly being mindful, we are not in it for an outcome. That would be contradictory to being present in this moment. When practicing mindfulness, if we are worrying, we observe worry. If we are sad, we observe sad, and so on. Perhaps, after we practice or adopt the “observer mind,” we may feel less sad, less stressed, or less anxious…but that is a byproduct. When that – elimination of emotion – becomes the goal, we are back in mindlessness – imposing an impossibility onto our human selves. And then become stressed. See the cycle?

Another myth is that mindfulness equals meditation. I describe mindfulness and meditation as a duplex. They are the same building but have a different address. Both are considered a form of meaningful mind training, especially when implemented over time. As discussed, Mindfulness is about paying attention to “one thing,” whereas Meditation is about paying attention to “no thing.” Also, mindfulness can be practiced anywhere at any time and meditation is generally practiced in a structured amount of time in a specific place.

What books or resources would you recommend to read about Mindfulness:

There is so much information about mindfulness and most of it is easy to access and free. My personal favorite mindfulness muses are: the aforementioned Jon Kabat Zinn - www.umassmed.edu/cfm/mindfulness-based-programs/ ; Jack Kornfield – www.Jackkornfield.com ; Tara Brach – www.tarabrach.com ; and Dan Siegel www.drdansiegel.com . Most of these websites have mindfulness and meditation practices freely available for you to use whenever. These individuals are on YouTube as well, offering practices and informative lectures about the topic. If you prefer a good old fashioned book, I recommend the following: A Wise Heart by Jack Kornfield; Living your Yoga by Judith Lassiter; Wherever You Go There You Are or Mindfulness for Beginners by Jon Kabat Zinn; How to Meditate by Pema Chodron, and specific to parenting – Parenting from Within by Dan Siegel.

#tips #change